Yesterday on my way home, I was seated on the front passenger seat on some old matatu. On my right is a primary school girl. She can’t sit still. She is moving a lot and is talking to the driver like they are married! She is tiny, she is in class six – I am sure of it – I will explain this a little bit later!
Strange thing is, she talks a lot of sense. Or rather the truth! Not sense… Truth is more like it! She talked all the way home!
“Mbona haukumaliza shule?” she asks the driver at the top of her voice… Her voice pierces through the loud radio like a gunshot through an abandoned farm-house! Everyone in the matatu struggle to follow this conversation!
“Nilimaliza!” The driver answers on hesitated breath!
“Kweli? Na mbona unado kazi ya matatu?” She interrogates with no remorse!
Here is the funny part! The makanga reduces the radio volume with his remote control… It reduces in loud annoying beeps until you can barely hear anything!
“Iko na pesa…” The driver answers fast in distorted speech… He is clearly not comfortable with the rest of the passengers listening in to this conversation… AND IT WAS GOING DOWNHILL!
“Ati?” the little girl inquires! “umesema?” she continues!
“Nimesemaaaaaa, iko na pesa!” the driver answers! More certain of his statement!
“Na mbona haujajivaa kama mtu ako na pesa?” She strikes with her come back
“haha!” the driver laughs! He has completely nothing to say… I can tell from his face he is thinking about something to say… He gets it!
“Hizi ni nguo za job!” He answers with confidence! He had NO idea whats coming his way!
“Uko na manguo mzuri kuliko hizi?” The girl asks… An easy one for the driver!
“Ehhhh… Mob sana!” He answers!
“Na mbona unanuka jasho? ama hio pia ni job tu?” This girl was going too far and no matter how honest she was, she was getting annoying!
“haha!” the driver laughs in embarrassment! He is handling it well… He ignores for a while!
“haujanijibu!” the girl comes from nowhere!! The makanga is choking from laughter!
“Jibu mtoi!” the makanga spits!
“haha!” The driver laughs again! He ignores!
“Ukifika nyumbani uoge sawa!” The girl says and digs into her back pack to unleash a huge tub of Lyons ice cream! She holds it with one hand and digs even deeper to get her spoon… She is digging through the ice cream like a a mad human being… Which she is actually!
The driver decides to ask the kid a question! The man digging his own grave! I am sure he knew better!
“Uko class?” He asks in a smile… stealing glimpses at the child as she gobbles down her ice cream!
“Eight!” she answers confidently! Thats how I know she is in class six! She has ink stains all over her dress. This means she hasnt used an ink pen very long! Her socks and shoes are very dirty meaning she is playful… A candidate at this time of year doesn’t have that much time! She went out and bought a litre of ice cream… I am just trying to prove that she was not ready for the national exam!
“Mamangu aliniambia nisipomaliza primary ntaendesha matatu!” she spit amidst her gluttonous actions! The driver shuts up!
She was already halfway through with the ice cream by the time we got to the campus gate drop off.
At the Campus gate, there’s a couple thoroughly making out on the curb! They are literally eating up each other’s faces!
The matatu stopped here for a while because the makanga had to fit in a huge sack in the boot!
But I think he spent most of his time staring at the two that he forgot his job! Because the sack didn’t even fit at the end of it all!
Two people making out is fine… But this guy had his hands under the woman’s dress… YES DRESS! Her ass down to her toes was food to mine and everyone elses eye… Except I couldn’t see shit! I am blind! Ok maybe the white underwear… Her thighs were pretty dark! Moving on!
Her dress was pulled up till her bra… The guy paid no attention to all the ATTENTION he had attracted! His hands were all over the woman… 4 more minutes of what they were doing and they would have had sex right there and then!! One of this woman’s leg is raised a little bit – as in it was a sex scene! The flickering street light above them didn’t matter to them!
We were there for like 3 minutes tops! What I was seeing was cut right out of a porn movie!
It got to a point the man grabs the woman’s diab! He slides his hand into her undies and from where i was sitting – it was clear! Grab -> Squeeze -> almost yanking it out!
He is eating the woman up… Her neck is being bitten off… Her head keeps on falling back in fast, dangerous jolts… Like she was possessed! Oh, and she is almost tearing the man’s shirt…
All this time, the matatu was in silence… Everyone held their breath… I know a minute percentile was horrified by this… The rest were busy getting erections and losing breath!
Like I said, I am blind, and I wanted to see also… So I kept on moving to focus clear images to my destroyed retina! I didn’t notice I was doing this until the little girl shoved me aside and said in a scary little voice,
“Ni nini na wewe… Kwani Unadhani ni wewe pekee yako unataka kuona!”
Her voice shattered thorough the silence!
My window was up…
She leaned forward and lowered it… then clicked “nkt!” as she looked straight into my eyes!
I have to admit, she scared the hell out of me!
My heart was beating fast and loud – I am not sure it’s from the sex scene or from the fear that had just been instilled by this little monster!
The two were still at it… They did not even think of stopping until the matatu driver came out of the car and threw a newspaper at them!
“Munadhani hapa ni Koinange?” he sput! He got in the car and we sped off…
They stopped sucking each others faces…. But the guy’s hand was still up her ass crack!
The little girl threw her empty ice cream tin out of the window then looked at me! I was ignoring this… Then she tapped me!
“Sasa ni nini ulikuwa unafanya hapo nyuma!? Eh?” She asks!
I didnt understand her question! Ok – I did but it couldnt have possibly meant what I thought it meant!
In her head, I didnt want her to see the sex scene!
“huh!?” I ask in shock!
“Ulikuwa unataka kuona pekee yako?” she asks, catching me mid statement!
The people in the matatu are laughing mockingly! This child was annoying me!
“Si ujibu?” she continues, getting courage from the passengers who are on her side! I HAVE NO IDEA WHY!
“Wewe ulikuwa unataka kuona nini?” I ask in anger! One more word from this child and I was going to smash her face on the dashboard!
“Na kwani wewe ulikuwa unaangalia nini?” she asks!
Here is where I am supposed to smash her head against the dashboard!!
“nkt!” I click!
“Usijam…. jibu tu swali!” she continues… I am so angry i want to kill her, but the sad thing is, there nothing I can do… I can’t smash her big head or get into a verbal fight! I ignore the little bitch!
I was held ransom by a class six idiot!
“Hauleti shangwe!” she finished! She got off before I did! Somewhere near Elite Academy!
The little brat had the balls to point at me on her way out… WTF IS WRONG WITH KIDS THESE DAYS!?
The driver was in tears… “tumewezwa leo!” he said mid laughter!